The last month, for me has featured widely contrasting experiences and emotions.
The Infinite Atonement
A few weeks ago I traveled to New York City on business. I had the opportunity to visit the National September 11 Memorial. This was my first trip to New York City since the year 2000 as a senior in high school, one year before 9/11 2001. The next year I arrived as a new missionary at the Brazil MTC in SĂŁo Paulo just two weeks prior to 9/11. It was a disorienting experience to be so far removed from what was happening.
I returned from Brazil in 2003, almost two full years later, to a very different country. It's strange to say but for a long time I felt left behind and like I just couldn't fully understand the events and implications of 9/11. Visiting the memorial in New York City was an emotional experience, and it provided some meaningful closure, even after 24 years has passed.
Our community and nation suffered a tragedy this week as an influential activist was assissinated at a peaceful gathering at Utah Valley University. I imagine that most of us will always remember where we were and what we were doing when we first heard the news and then followed the unfolding events--it was that kind of momentous event, and unsettling for many of us who were so close to the events as they unfolded.
The month of September in Utah has been declared American Founders and Constitution month, hence the insertion of a few patriotic hymns in our Sacrament meeting services. It's fitting that we could sing "My Country, Tis of Thee" today in light of the unexpected tradgedy on the eve of Patriot Day. It's fitting that on the week of president Nelson's 101st birthday, we read the 101st section of the Doctrine and Covenants, which contains 101 verses! The Lord is in the details of our lives. He knows what we are going through, each and every one of us. Our church leaders are aware of us. The following statement was released by the church this week:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints condemns horrific acts of violence worldwide, including the recent assassination in Utah. We affirm our repeated calls to seek peace and unity despite our differences. Jesus Christ teaches us to love one another, that hate is wrong and that human life is sacred. We urge all to reject violence and instead build understanding. Recognizing that we are all children of God, we must treat one another with more dignity, compassion and respect. As we mourn with those who have experienced loss and care for those living in fear or conflict, we call upon people everywhere to build communities of greater kindness and love.
Tho Long the Fight May Be
Last week, as Jen and I celebrated 20 years of marriage we attended Sacrament meeting in a ward in Florida where we were staying. To prepare for the ordinance of the sacrament in that meeting we sang "O Savior, Thou Who Wearest a Crown". I was touched by the third verse:
Thy sacrifice transcended
The mortal law’s demand;
Thy mercy is extended
To ev’ry time and land.
No more can Satan harm us,
Tho long the fight may be,
Nor fear of death alarm us;
We live, O Lord, thru thee.
--Karen Lynn Davidson, "O Savior, Thou Who Wearest a Crown"
The sentiment that ultimately, Satan can't harm us is comforting, but we are affected by his influence in the world, hence the aforementioned lengthy fight. What is the nature of this fight, and with whom? The fight with the natural man/woman inside each of us.
It’s one of the strange dichotomies of life that we can know that Jesus has saved us and that we are bound for a kingdom of glory and eternal happiness, yet feel the chasm between who we are now and what we can become.
Repentance and Forgiveness
Recently I've talked with many members who have questions about repentance and forgiveness. Their main question almost always is about ascertaining their standing before God. We've all fallen short of the standards set forth by the commandments and our covenants, and have committed sins, which disqualify us from returning to God's presence, not because he doesn't love us, it's simply impossible for anything unclean to dwell in heaven. Our sins don't just risk spoiling a potential happy future, they bring us misery and anguish in the present.
The law of justice requires a consequence for sin. God know this, and made a plan to help us overcome our predicament. To fulfill his plan, God sent his son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins. Somehow he was able to suffer the penalty required by the law of justice on our behalf, something he did for us precisely because of his (and the Father's) infinite love for us. The amazingly beautiful thing about this plan is that even though the Savior paid our debt, so to speak, he doesn't want us to have to pay back our debt in the same way, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us a much more excellent way.
When we exercise Faith in Jesus Christ unto Repentance, Heavenly Father forgives our debt! This is why the plan of salvation is sometimes called the plan of mercy! As we repent the grace of Jesus Christ and the influence of the Holy Ghost transform us into new creatures. We turn away from sin and turn towards heaven. Eventually, we overcome our original sinful desires and tendencies. The gospel isn't at all about trying to earn heaven because we simply can't do that. Instead we've been invited to learn heaven as we make covenants, repent, and serve one another.
One of the most amazing proverbial paradoxes of the Plan is that our stained garments can actually be washed perfectly and pristinely white in blood, which was shed by Jesus Christ, and which is represented in the water we partake of in each and every sacrament meeting.
But how does it actually work?
So, how does repentance actually work? In sixth grade my teacher had a poster on the wall that had an effect on me. It listed several simple statements, things like "if you opened it, close it", "if you broke it, fix it (or admit to it and get help)", "if you unlock it, lock it up", etc. If we've done something that had a negative effect in the world, what can we do, if anytyhing, to reverse that effect? A simple question to ask, and sometimes even to answer, but simple doesn't necessarily mean easy.
Even if we are able to make right that which or whom we originally wronged, we might still have a deeper problem--that of a deeply-rooted, unrighteous desire or tendency. What is to be done about that?
I've recently been reading a classic book (Little Women, Louisa May Alcott that chronicles the story of four sisters growing up together in the mid 1800's. The second oldest of the sisters is named Josephine, or 'Jo' for short. She and the youngest sister, Amy, experience a falling out within the first several chapters. Jo lets her anger and pride get the better of her and refuses for some time to forgive Amy, who had destroyed one of Jo's most cherished possessions. Jo's stubborness eventually contributes to Amy falling in a frozen river, which could have proven fatal. This near-miss brings Jo to her senses and she confides in her wise mother. I'll share paraphrased excerpt of their conversation:
“...Mother, if [Amy] should die, it would be my fault...It’s my dreadful temper! I try to cure it, I think I have, and then it breaks out worse than ever. What shall I do?” cried poor Jo, in despair.
“You don’t know, you can’t guess how bad it is! It seems as if I could do anything when I’m in a passion. I get so savage, I could hurt anyone and enjoy it. I’m afraid I shall do something dreadful some day, and spoil my life, and make everybody hate me. Oh, Mother, help me, do help me!”
“Watch and pray, dear, never get tired of trying, and never think it is impossible to conquer your fault. Don’t cry so bitterly, but remember this day, and resolve with all your soul that you will never know another like it. Jo, dear, we all have our temptations, some far greater than yours, and it often takes us all our lives to conquer them... I’ve been trying to cure it for forty years, and have only succeeded in controlling it. I am angry nearly every day of my life, Jo, but I have learned not to show it, and I still hope to learn not to feel it, though it may take me another forty years to do so.”
Jo felt comforted at once...though forty years seemed rather a long time to watch and pray to a girl of fifteen.
I don't know about you, but I can relate to trying for a long time to find a cure for some of my own weaknesses, only to achieve inconsistent control. But I will take Mrs. March's advice to heart and never think it impossible to conquer it. Mrs. March goes on to explain her struggles in learning to control her temper and how Mr. March received help and support from her own mother, and later her husband.
“Mother, if I’m ever half as good as you, I shall be satisfied,” cried Jo... “[But] you never complain now, or seem as if you needed any help,” said Jo, wondering.
“...If I don’t seem to need help, it is because I have a better friend, even than [your] Father, to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning and may be many, but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to Him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother.”
...in the silence which followed the sincerest prayer [Jo] had ever prayed left her heart without words. For in that sad yet happy hour, she had learned not only the bitterness of remorse and despair, but the sweetness of self-denial and self-control, and led by her mother’s hand, she had drawn nearer to the Friend who always welcomes every child with a love stronger than that of any father, tenderer than that of any mother.
I love this passage. Jo's difficulty was her temper, and she needed help to overcome it. Help from her mother, and help from God. Many of our most difficult weaknesses will likewise require similar, maybe more help. "Go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidinglyi as you come to your mother." If there's someone else you can trust to help you, by all means enlist them! If I can be of service, or other ward leaders, we stand ready to help. As Elder Scott D. Whiting observed in the last General Conference:
There is great strength in becoming and remaining part of a supportive community--all stumbling yet progressing.
4,000 weeks
The opportunity to partake of the sacrament is presented to us almost every Sunday. Every week. The average human lifespan is about 80 years, or 4,000 weeks. Based on that projected lifespan I might have about 1,760 weeks remaining, give or take. Factor out conferences and the occasional illness preventing attendance at church and the number of opportunities I have to participate in the sacrament goes down to about 1,500. So, our opportunities to partake of the sacrament (an ordinance very connected to our mortality) are numerous, but also finite.
Let's be mindful of the amazing opportunity before us each week, to draw closer to God and invite the grace of Jesus Christ into our lives. We can use technology to set reminders to ponder the sacrament and the Savior's atoning sacrifice throughout the week. We can pray each day and remember the Savior and petition for his grace.
In the end, the atoning power of Jesus Christ is about so much more than repentance and forgiveness of sins. It's also about healing and comfort, from all the difficulties and trials of mortality. Priesthood ordinances and blessings, like the sacrament, make it possible for all of God's children to receive His power, healing, comfort, and guidance (General Handbook, 18.2. I pray that we will all be comforted as we continue to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament, perhaps our most consistent and vivid reminder of our Savior's love for us.